What's Up With... Parental Alarm over Pokemon?

Sure, in the last three years since Pokemon was introduced we've learned that Nintendo has figured out a way not only to tax children-- who must have the cards, the figures, the comic books, and/or the game itself-- but to further endear them to violence by making it cutesy.

The most dangerous part of the Pokemon phenomenon, however, has just been revealed: the new CD, released in the wake of the megahit movie. Incorporating tracks by Britney Spears ("Soda Pop"), Christina Aguilera ("We're a Miracle"), NSYNC ("Somewhere Someday"), Billy Crawford ("Pokemon Theme"), 98 Degrees ("Fly With Me"), and many more stars of the aggressively harmless synthpop category, the CD is so threateningly far beyond upbeat that Saturday morning TV looks like Shoah by comparison.

Whatever you do, don't listen to this disc! Test audiences of 3-to-8-year-olds responded to forced repeated listenings by sinking into profound and persistent vegetative states. Reports are that a number of comatose kids have choked on their own drool, their formerly bright little eyes rolled back in their heads!