FAG-HATING DR. LAURA BRINGS HER SHIT TO TV

Guess who's developing a TV show with Paramount Television? America's most stridently pro-inhibitionist radio personality, Dr. Laura Schlessinger. You remember Dr. Laura. Currently purveying her backward brand of morality on a three-hour daily radio show, heard by millions people on 290 stations, she's the one whom abortion clinic bombers and gay-bashers seem to cite most often when asked for their inspiration.

Dr. Laura's TV show is planned to debut this fall and already our emailbox is clogged with requests to sign petitions against it. We're recommending you come up to speed on Dr. Laura's poisonous ultra-conservatism, then email Paramount at television@pde.paramount.com and let them know what you think.

You can also contact Schlessinger's office directly by phone at 1-800-DRLAURA and by fax at xxx-xxx-xxxx. Or better yet, why not make a surprise appearance at Dr. Laura's "third annual" 50th birthday party on April 15 at the Henry Ford Museum and Greenfield Village, in Dearborn, Michigan? You might bring a gift you've assembled yourself from parts available at any hardware store.

We're just kidding about that last bit. You should actually send your gift to Dr. Laura in the mail: c/o Premiere Radio Networks, xxxxx Ventura Blvd., Suite xxx, Sherman Oaks, CA 91403.