Reports From The Lush Culture
Sauce Therapy
This Week's Guest Columnist: Lucia T.
This is your week, sauce maniacs-- lush culture's high holy days-- but we want you to get through it with a minimum of suffering, so let us give you a little advice.
- Stick with "goal drinking."
Know where you're going with alcohol, strategically, and pace yourself appropriately for the trip. Starting the party early on New Year's Eve? Maybe you wanna go easy on the distilled spirits until after midnight, when you'll be expected to make less sense. (Note: Make sure any business conversation you need to have with the limo driver is done before you compromise that famously sharp mind of yours.) Going out with someone special? Stay in "drink sync" with your date-- meaning that both of you should try to keep both your consumption at the same pace.
- Avoid any drink with "nog" in the title.
Webster's defines "nog" as "a strong ale formerly brewed in Norfolk, England," but what we're mainly talking about eggnog, consisting of eggs beaten with sugar, milk or cream, and often alcoholic liquor. That shit is so delicious that you can drink too much of it before realizing how sickening it is, so we think you should stay away from it. Also avoid, for the same reason, creamy/fruity liqueurs.
- Never mix, never worry.
Actually, this has been proven untrue, hasn't it? Some people seem to be able to drink all kinds of drinks throughout the night and stay fine, while others stick to their favorite stuff and still get sick. Now that we think of it, we think the rule should be: always mix and always worry (in the existential sense of the words "mix" and "worry").
- Count your drinks.
It's as simple as it sounds: Know whether you're on your third or your fourth, your tenth or your twelfth. Here's why: Over time, you'll get a better idea of cause-and-effect, as in, "I start slurring my speech after my fifth scotch" and "I black out after my eighth vodka." If you're smart, this information will come in handy someday, like when you finally decide to avoid slurring, blackouts, or ARIs (those mysterious alcohol-related injuries-- scrapes and bruises-- you sometimes wake up with). Counting is also a good idea because when your count goes to hell, you'll know you're in trouble.
Before going to bed (or passing out):
- Take two Advils (or three).
Aspirin works well, but we find that Advil works better. This will help keep those tiny blood vessels in your head from squeezing shut.
- Drink plenty of water.
This keeps you from dehydrating, which is one of the bad things that alcohol does to your body. When we're really blotto, we try to drink, like, a gallon of water before going to bed because the first and subsequent trips to the bathroom serve as opportunities for even more water intake, adding a nicely therapeutic program to our sleep cycle.
Favorite moment on New Year's Day: It comes around twilight, at 5 or 6 in the afternoon. After complaining about how much you drank the night before and how nice it will be not to drink today, you reason that since it is a holiday maybe a little drink wouldn't be such a bad idea. And after pouring yourself a glass of something, you discover that it's a great idea....
This Week's Guest Columnist: Lucia T.
This is your week, sauce maniacs-- lush culture's high holy days-- but we want you to get through it with a minimum of suffering, so let us give you a little advice.
- Stick with "goal drinking."
Know where you're going with alcohol, strategically, and pace yourself appropriately for the trip. Starting the party early on New Year's Eve? Maybe you wanna go easy on the distilled spirits until after midnight, when you'll be expected to make less sense. (Note: Make sure any business conversation you need to have with the limo driver is done before you compromise that famously sharp mind of yours.) Going out with someone special? Stay in "drink sync" with your date-- meaning that both of you should try to keep both your consumption at the same pace.
- Avoid any drink with "nog" in the title.
Webster's defines "nog" as "a strong ale formerly brewed in Norfolk, England," but what we're mainly talking about eggnog, consisting of eggs beaten with sugar, milk or cream, and often alcoholic liquor. That shit is so delicious that you can drink too much of it before realizing how sickening it is, so we think you should stay away from it. Also avoid, for the same reason, creamy/fruity liqueurs.
- Never mix, never worry.
Actually, this has been proven untrue, hasn't it? Some people seem to be able to drink all kinds of drinks throughout the night and stay fine, while others stick to their favorite stuff and still get sick. Now that we think of it, we think the rule should be: always mix and always worry (in the existential sense of the words "mix" and "worry").
- Count your drinks.
It's as simple as it sounds: Know whether you're on your third or your fourth, your tenth or your twelfth. Here's why: Over time, you'll get a better idea of cause-and-effect, as in, "I start slurring my speech after my fifth scotch" and "I black out after my eighth vodka." If you're smart, this information will come in handy someday, like when you finally decide to avoid slurring, blackouts, or ARIs (those mysterious alcohol-related injuries-- scrapes and bruises-- you sometimes wake up with). Counting is also a good idea because when your count goes to hell, you'll know you're in trouble.
Before going to bed (or passing out):
- Take two Advils (or three).
Aspirin works well, but we find that Advil works better. This will help keep those tiny blood vessels in your head from squeezing shut.
- Drink plenty of water.
This keeps you from dehydrating, which is one of the bad things that alcohol does to your body. When we're really blotto, we try to drink, like, a gallon of water before going to bed because the first and subsequent trips to the bathroom serve as opportunities for even more water intake, adding a nicely therapeutic program to our sleep cycle.
Favorite moment on New Year's Day: It comes around twilight, at 5 or 6 in the afternoon. After complaining about how much you drank the night before and how nice it will be not to drink today, you reason that since it is a holiday maybe a little drink wouldn't be such a bad idea. And after pouring yourself a glass of something, you discover that it's a great idea....
posted by Lucia Toledo at 9:56 AM
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