The Opinionator on... Quaker Oats Dinosaur Eggs

Is the idea of reptile eggs hatching in your breakfast bowl completely repellent? Of course it is, but that's only half the reason we're so eager to hook up with a box of Quaker Oats' new hot cereal, Dinosaur Eggs. All you do is add boiling water to a bowl of this stuff-- regular oatmeal infested with several nut-sized eggs-- and voila! Tiny monster spawn. Since it's obviously aimed at kids, we know that Dinosaur Eggs is going to be incredibly sweet, and we love that. But we can't wait to evaluate all the special effects that Quaker's cereal technologists have spent time and money developing: Exactly what crawls, erupts, or leaks out of the eggs? Is the baby dinosaur matter a different color from the eggs and the oatmeal medium? How sauromorphic is this matter? Is there some kind of hatching sound? Are the egg shells hard? How long do they stay hard? If you pop the eggs in your mouth before they've had a chance to soften properly, do they hatch there? Wouldn't it be great if the babies were, like, grey slimy gel candies that kinda died and started to decay if you didn't eat them right away? Kudos to Quaker for proving again that breakfast is truly the most important meal of the day.