DON'T ASK, DON'T TELL (AND, OH YEAH, GO AHEAD AND SMASH A SKULL OR TWO)

A recommendation to the court-martial in Fort Campbell, Kentucky, that's trying 18-year-old Pvt. Calvin Glover for the premeditated murder of 21-year-old Pfc. Barry Winchell: stop the proceedings and smash his skull with a baseball bat while he's sleeping. Do this as soon as possible; spend any money you save on lengthy court proceedings on a nice holiday party.

Actually, that would be damned beastly, wouldn't it? OK, better go on with the trial. Just get justice done quickly, tuck Glover away for life somewhere, rethink the military's laughable, prejudice-affirming policy of "don't ask, don't tell," then go have a nice holiday party. Glover is accused of beating Winchell to death with a baseball bat while he slept in his barracks last July 5, after months of what fellow soldiers have testified was Glover's non-stop anti-gay harrassment of Winchell. According to the New York Times, two days before the attack Winchell had been "taunted by Glover into a fist fight," which Winchell won easily. Glover couldn't handle the humiliation and "got even" (the quotes are ours).

On third thought, brain the guy.

CHROMOSOME MAPPED: WELCOME TO THE SCI-FI FUTURE

You know those mythical moments in sci-fi movies which radically alter all future action? Like from Terminator: the moment Sky Net went conscious? Here's a real one: scientists working in a consortium spanning Britain, the U.S., and Japan have just decoded the basic "human blueprint" information in an entire chromosome-- a major milestone in the grand, ongoing project of mapping the complete human genome.

"I don't often pick up a scientific paper and find myself getting chills, as I did when I saw this chromosomal landscape," said Dr. Francis Collins, director of the human genome project at the National Institutes of Health, quoted in the New York Times. Chromosomes contain genes, of course, and they help determine a whole lot about who we are, how we act, how we age, etc. Though many hope that detailed knowledge of the human genome will benefit medicine (since most diseases have a genetic component), some fear that it will also aid those wanting to eliminate various forms of sexual and "criminal" behavior-- let alone "undesirable" characteristics like frizzy hair (which Einstein had) and a tendency toward deafness (which Beethoven had).

The genome mapping project began in 1990-- the first time it became technically feasible-- and is expected to be complete by 2005. What happens then? Sleekly demonic bio-laboratories growing rows of headless torso-sacs of organs, fresh for harvesting and transplanting into the decaying bodies of the super-rich? Parents determining their babies' sex, eye color, hair color, skin color, and body type? Everybody living for 175 years with eery vigor (and can't you just see the groovy old timers sporting their favorite 150-year-old jeans)?

Stick around. That world is practically here.